“I know without a shadow of a doubt that God is right here with me, giving me the strength to keep going”
My name is Eric and I am 33 years old. All of my life, ever since I can remember, I felt this void and emptiness inside that I could not satisfy. I grew up in church and have always known the Bible, believed in the power of God, and even was a missionary in Honduras for two years. But all that I knew just did not seem to be enough to take the pain away. Constant feelings of hopelessness and the feeling of not being good enough finally took its toll on me. I told God that I believed in Him but I couldn’t continue to feel the way I did anymore.
A life pursuit of alcohol, drugs and sex consumed me. It all was fun and games at the beginning, and even numbed out my brokenness for a while. Things progressively got worse. Physically abusive relationships, homelessness, lies, deception, and more brokenness controlled me. My lifestyle isolated me from every good thing in my life- family, children, friends, and most importantly God. The hole that I continued to fill with anything and everything I could seemed to get bigger and bigger.
But then God stepped in! After dealing with a major break up and going to jail, yet again, for another criminal charge, I decided to go to the Isaiah House and say the one phrase I could never humble myself enough to say, “I NEED HELP!”
As I sat still and took suggestions, I started to see that my perception of God was off. I believed He was a wrathful, vengeful God who loved everyone, but me because I wasn’t good enough. As I developed my own personal relationship, God began to reveal his love for me. That hole that I had been incessantly trying to fill started to close. Peace began to flow into me. My fear of people and being judged slowly drifted. I found a new relationship with my Creator and realized that He was the solution to my internal problem.
My life today is amazing. I am surrounded by people who love me for me. I can sit in the face of others and not fear being judged or not being accepted. This only happened once I stopped validating myself through people and allowed this loving, merciful, and gracious God to be my validation. Life isn’t always easy. But I know without a shadow of a doubt that God is right here with me, giving me the strength to keep going.